OSSINING, New York - (Satire News) - Eric Trump says that his daddy, was shocked, devastated, and pissed off as shit, when he found out that federal prisons do not serve McDonalds Big Mac burgers.
Eric said that his father asked a prison official if he could pay to have a dozen Big Macs brought to his jail cell on a daily basis.
The prison official identified as Drayton Satinbranch, 68, texted him saying, "Are you fucked up, crazy, or both, you low-life, pussy-grabbing, Nazi-faced son-of-a-bitch?"
Satinbranch then reminded him that he committed treason, tax evasion, sexual assaults, counterfeiting, espionage, and he was unfaithful to his wife.
Trump replied that those violations are no reason why he should be denied his American rights of having Big Macs brought directly to his prison cell.
Satinbranch then told him that he will be incarcerated in the prison's cell block where the crazy convicts are held in order to keep from him getting the GOP shit kicked out of him for being a racist.
