MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - The fella who many say makes Jack The Ripper look like a Vatican choirboy is having a fuckalicious fit trying to find a lawyer to represent him.
The Drive Thru News Agency reports that there isn't a decent, honorable, attorney anywhere in the nation, who is willing to risk his career to defend a no good, piece of shit individual who never pays his electricians, plumbers, landscapers, sheet rockers, therapists, call girls, and lawyers.
The Trumpturd made his bed (and he laid in it with lots of ugly-ass females).
He always says that he has never met people that he not only has never met, but that he has never boinked, (and more than once), as is the case with Stormy Daniels.
And now DTNA writer Bulova Mistletoe reports that in order to try and raise money to actually pay for an attorney, "Treason Trump" has opened up Trump's Lobster Shack on Coney Island in order to raise much-needed funds to pay for his lawyers.
