Melania has stated that she absolutely does not and WOULD NEVER have any of her husband’s boxes of secret documents in her rooms. She has her own boxes, which Donald is not allowed to go into, and where she keeps lots of documents relating to how much money she has skimmed off the Trump bank accounts, especially the ones in China (the IRS will never see those!).
She and Donald of course have separate sleeping quarters since Donny can’t stop farting and making terrible jokes blaming Melania. A maid once said that Donald’s farts, “Smell like cabbage, rotten cheeseburgers, hooker spit, and Steve Bannon’s breath.”
Melania has her weekly allowance for tolerating The Don as her husband, so she’s able to decorate her bedrooms anyway she wants. Another maid said she has seen “Soooooo many pool boys, pizza guys, French Canadians Heads of State, and Russian oligarchs in her bed, I’m afraid to change the sheets! They’re always so stiff!”
Her bed is a four-poster shining velvet glitter bed in the shape of a vulva, whereas Donald sleeps on a reinforced steel slab that has lots of drawers for his porn and hit list for people he doesn’t like and he’s gonna have whacked if he gets into office in 2024.
Melania desperately calls up the FBI, almost daily – said yet another maid – begging them to not see her as her husband’s wife. “I my own person. I no Donald. He bad man. His stuff and my stuff not together, ever. I no even know he has secret documents in his room. I don’t go in his room. It smell bad … Steve Bannon kinda bad!”
Another Bannon joke? Come on, Melania, you’ll never get a plea deal that way!
