LAKE SHIT, Alabama - (Satire News) - In a stunning move that has shocked educators and parents all over the United States, the Lake Shit School District has decided by a vote of 6 to 5 to bring back spankings (i.e. Corporal Punishment).
An English teacher at Johnny Appleseed Elementary named Gladys Fucshitz, who is 69, and fucking overweight, says that on the first day of school, she personally spanked 19 of her second grade students (ages 7 and 8).
Needless to say when school let out that afternoon and word got out, there were over 600 extremely irate parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, legal guardians, and a great, grandmother at the front of the school protesting the mean, cruel, hateful, Naziesque form of punishment.
Wallace "Beau" Weevil, a reporter with The Birmingham Cotton Chronicle, spoke to dozens of the angry parents and they are planning on filing a lawsuit against the school district, the principle, the vice principle, 6 of the 11 school board members, and the low-life, douche bag sucking Gladys Fucshitz (who obviously gets off on spanking the asses of elementary school children).
SIDENOTE: Weevil learned that a total of 593 parents have hired the legal services of one of the nation's top attorneys Gloria Allred and she has filed a $94.7 million physical abuse lawsuit on their behalf.
