WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The Wild Whispers News Agency is reporting that the biggest wimp in the entire United States says that he is receiving threats of bodily harm every 17 seconds.
Hawley, who is one of the Trumpturd's few remaining friends (along with Matt "Potato Head" Gatez and Greg "The Rodent" Gutfeld), told reporter Margarita Mixx, that he is so depressed all he can keep down is spinach.
Josh aka "The Fucking Scaredy Cat" told Miss Mixx that even his wife hasn't kissed him since she saw the video on TV of her spineless husband, knocking down Nancy Pelosi, in order to get away from Trump's homegrown invading terrorists.
Hawley is still insisting that he was running because he had the runs. Well no one, absolutely no one believes that Trumpian-like fucking lie.
Meanwhile, Josh The Girly Girl, has made it known that if the threats keep up, he will most probably leave America and move to Iraq.
