Gods Are Made …To Be Crucified

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 17 July 2022

image for Gods Are Made …To Be Crucified
Out with the Old, In with the New ... Manufactured God

I was crazy. Once. Still am.

I think Donald Trump was prophesized in the Book of Revelation. But you didn’t hear that from me.

I tell myselves: “Don’t start rumors about real people being magically turned into gods and resurrecting from the dead (dead meaning their careers … nothing else, I’m sure). That’s just encouraging redneck mothers into thinking their inbred chillen are the Next Messiah.”

Sure, everyone wants to give birth to a messiah, or become one while alive. After all, Jesus didn’t realize he was someone famous until he was 33 years old. What the fuck was he doing when he was 23 years old? Banging chicks, smoking opium, taking a holy shit in Roman streets?

Religious people always see gods where there are none.

What this means for the future: if (I’m being optimistic) IF Trump gets back in, he will be worshipped by even more people than those who worship him now. He will become the god of his own religion, whether he wants to or not.

But knowing the extreme level of his narcissism, he will happily let himself be worshipped. Sacrifices will be made to him. He will insist that he is a god, and you can’t fire a god. You can’t elect someone to take over when the god retires. Gods do not retire, they pass all their madness onto their children, who then make themselves into gods. The pharaohs of ancient Egypt did this, and nothing has really changed in over 5000 years.

The human race is doomed … because it’s never been blessed. Having a god bless you is a death sentence. Why do you think religious people cause more wars than the non-religious? How many wars have been started by Satanists?

My point exactly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more