GOP-Funded "Woke Hotline" Flooded with Calls

Funny story written by Steve Schneider

Wednesday, 13 April 2022

image for GOP-Funded "Woke Hotline" Flooded with Calls
"Woke Hotline" Protects Children from Public School Brutality

Public school students from across the nation overwhelmed a “Woke Hotline” during the first days of operation, according to sources who back the project.

The hotline, with a toll-free phone number, was established by the Republican National Committee. It is staffed by volunteers from Moms for Liberty, a conservative organization that started in Florida but quickly spread across the United States after schools were closed during the Covid pandemic. Two volunteer moms who requested anonymity spoke about the suffering they heard from students who called in to complain about “woke tyranny in our public schools.”

According to one mother, “a second grade teacher required students to read ‘Danny Has Two Daddies.’” She continued, “This affront to decency caused many students to cry and have nightmares. Where is Anita Bryant when we need her?” The reference to Bryant invoked a mid-70s drive by the former Miss Oklahoma to derail a gay rights law in what was then called Dade County, Fl.

A second volunteer from Moms for Liberty revealed that several students told her about a teacher who answered a question about slavery. “The teacher had the nerve to say that White people enslaved Black people in our country.” Added the mother, “the students said they felt shame and guilt and considered dying their skin Black in a misguided attempt to demonstrate empathy and solidarity with victims of American history.”

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Republican National Committee declined to say whether he had undergone a sex change operation. But he blamed the Human Rights Campaign for planting the idea with “mainstream reporters who defame people and invade their privacy.”

He also lauded Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis for signing laws that let people sue public schools and private businesses that “impose woke brutality on innocent citizens”. And the spokesman promised a fundraising letter would go out tonight to raise millions of more dollars for the Woke Hotline so “everyone can be heard right away.”

He added, “We want to be there for sons and daughters of God, so I expect the money to start pouring in right away. This means the Silent Majority of old will be speaking up in lawsuits and drop-a-dime free phone calls now. This is democracy in action.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more