A Canine, Minnesota man has claimed to be a dog in a man’s body. 52, year old Elmer Ruff, who is a dog trainer has refused to eat anything except for Alpo that is served in a dog bowl.
When asked when he first realized that he was a dog Elmer replied:
“Well, there were just so many signs that I had ignored all my life until recently” stated Mr. Canine. “Whenever I would drive in a car, I would constantly stick my head out of the car window with my tongue hanging out and wagging back and forth.
‘Whenever I am around a group of people I have this sudden urge that overtakes me and causes me to start straying through the crowd sniffing everybody’s butt. My nose always turns brown afterwards forcing me to clean it with a Tide pod”.
“I remember when I was a kid every time there was a gathering where food was present I would immediately start knocking the food off the table and onto the floor and then getting on my hands and knees and eating it. I still do that to this day”.
“As I got older, I began to eat my food out of a bowl that I would put on the floor. I did this for about 20 years until one day I went to my local Safeway and while walking through the aisles I came across the pet section and immediately had a craving for Alpo. I bought a dog bowl and a bunch of Alpo and have been eating it ever since”.
“I bought a dog brush to use to brush myself instead of taking a shower. I, also, like to knock my outdoor trashcan over when it is full and roll around in the garbage. I, also, have to urinate by going outside to a pole where I pull my pants down and then raise my leg and urinate”.
Mr. Canine has organized a non-profit called Being a Real Kanine (BARK). BARK was formed to give a platform for other people who are dogs in a human’s body to be able to come out and share their experiences with other members just be themselves. At every meeting they provide mile bones to all of the attendees. As of today BARK has nearly 600,000 members.
As of press time a judge ordered Mr. Canine to get a rabies shot and wear a rabies tag around his neck to signify to people that he is vaccinated.
