Ohio Man tries a hold-up using a lead paint detector

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Friday, 19 November 2021

image for Ohio Man tries a hold-up using a lead paint detector
Herm Myers, 29, threatened store clerk with a lead paint analyzer

An Ohio man is in police custody after attempting to rob a Howdy Pard Convenience store using a lead paint detection device. Herm Myers, 29 of Stubenville, OH, was taken into custody by police early this morning.

Officers responded just after 1:00 AM after being notified by witnesses outside the store, who saw Myers chasing a store clerk around the store, pointing an XRF hand held lead testing analyzer device.

The clerk, Willy Gromski, 27, claimed Myers burst into the store demanding ‘I want all the money, now!’

Gromski said that initially he thought Myers had a traditional hand gun before getting a clear look at it. At that point he refused to cooperate with the would-be bandit. “I said ‘that ain’t no gun man, what’re you gonna do with that?”

According to the clerk, Myers was enraged at his reaction, saying “I'll show you what I can do with this! Do you realize this thing will fry your brain dude? You f%$^&’ moron!”

Myers then pointed to the radiation warning on the device, before holding it to the clerk’s head. Gromski pushed Myers away, but Myers persisted, yelling at the clerk to “hold still!”

Gromski said he was asking Myers to leave the store when police showed up. "we get loons in here fairly often, especially during the overnight shift.

Police charged with disturbance but have yet to determine further charges.

A spokesperson from the manufacturer confirmed that radiation is emitted from the device that Myers was using, but said it would take "several hours" to cause any discernible damage or injury.

Witnesses reported Myers chanted "U-S-A, U-S-A..." and tried to get them to join in as he was taken away by police.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more