Rand Paul and Fauci settling on details of GOF or GAF kick-boxing contest at Madison Square Garden before Christmas

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 23 October 2021

image for Rand Paul and Fauci settling on details of GOF or GAF kick-boxing contest at Madison Square Garden before Christmas
Mr. Fauci is considering various disguises in case his rep plummets further

Considering the interest stirred up by confrontations between Mr. Paul and Mr. Fauci over the past year, this venue is surely worthy.

Seating at 19,000 plus for basketball in the Garden can be expanded for this event, due to public interest.

The event is already sold out at 20,000 with camping stools in the aisles.

Physically, Rand Paul and Anthony Fauci are considered even (Paul slightly heavier; Fauci quicker on the spin).

In the corner, Rand Paul will be assisted by Steve Bannon and Joe Rogan, with Mr. Fauci's handlers, Speaker of the House Pelosi and Senator Schumer.

Rules forbid handlers from brawling, but MSM cameras will train on lips for anything expressed (sign-handlers for the deaf provided in special screen inserts).

At issue: are we looking at a case of GOF or GAF in the current pandemic crisis and how it got started?

GOF stands for “gain of function.” This means research that blends two virulent forces toward a more powerful biological agent, as in a war weapon.

Put bat virus and mongoose virus together and what do you get? Some say this nastiness could drive the human race off the planet into outer space seeking a new home.

GAF, on the other hand, stands for “gain and finances.” That is, can you, in your privileged position within government, engineer certain matters and put more money into your bank account?

Mr. Rand Paul has been pursuing Mr. Fauci for some time now, suggesting he has been covering up his role in directing and financing the Wuhan Lab from which the covid disease escaped.

Implication: Mr. Fauci is somehow responsible for the very disease he's in charge of preventing?

Additionally, now surfacing, are charges of Mr. Fauci involved in experiments with beagles, heads trapped in cages, being eaten by sand-flies.

Mr. Fauci has accused Mr. Paul of being a liar and “not knowing whereof he speaks,” or similar phrasing.

Then recently the NIH emerged to say indeed it has been funding dangerous research experiments.

Mr. Fauci is definitely implicated, and Mr. Paul has come forward to renew his call for investigation.

The odds favor Mr. Fauci at this time, with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi buttressing this assessment and Mr. Schumer nodding in agreement.

“If Mr. Fauci, a patriot and true leader in these perilous times, does not prevail against this bluster and political posturing of a Republican politician, I will eat my mask right there on the canvas,” Ms. Pelosi stated.

Joe Rogan has responded: “What won't these politicians eat, I ask you? Apart from humble pie?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more