The governor of American Mellowneshia was indicted today by a territorial federal grand jury at the capitol, charged with inappropriate sexual contact, specifically failure to touch appropriate parts. The charge came from one of his many female aides, identified simply as "Administrative Assistant Number Nine."
When asked by The Spoof reporter Bluster what the governor specifically did, Number Nine was initially reluctant to reveal details publicly. "Did he touch your breasts?" Bluster asked.
"No, and that was part of the problem. I encouraged him to do that. One day I wore a tight sweater without a bra, hoping he would get the point, so to speak. Well, his hand went under my sweater but got no farther than my belly button, which he tickled. That was funny done once, but this became a habit of his and I didn't want my belly button fondled."
"Is that all he did, or didn't, do?" Bluster asked.
"I wore a low cut grass skirt one day, kind of thinly put together, trying to entice him to fondle something else, lower down. His hand actually went up to my b. b,. again. That's when I filed my complaint with the feds."
"If he had done the normal thing and touched the usual parts guys go for, there would have been no problem. But he had this b.b. obsession. He even asked me if that's where the babies come out."
When asked about the indictment, the governor said it was all politics. He is a Trump holdover, waiting for Biden to get around to appointing a new governor for Mellowneshia. With over 150 ambassadors, at least 500 consuls and numerous other overseas appointments for Biden to make, and with Mellowneshia last on the list, the governor was likely to be in office until Trump is re-elected in 2024. So the federal prosecutor in Mellowneshia, a Obama holdover - Trump never got around to replacing him - took matters into his own hands and filed the charge of inappropriate sexual contact.
The case goes to trial next week. Woof Bluster will cover the trial daily, reporting for SIN, Spoof International News television.
American Mellowneshia, a U. S. territory in the South Atlantic Ocean. Woof Bluster with a SINful report for SIN, Spoof International News.