Ted Cruz Says He Would Have Joined Military But “My Daughters Won’t Let Me”

Funny story written by Jaki Treehorn

Saturday, 22 May 2021

image for Ted Cruz Says He Would Have Joined Military But “My Daughters Won’t Let Me”
Senator Ted Cruz Throws Daughters Under Bus Again

Dallas - Senator Ted Cruz has stepped back some of the comments he made earlier this month about the US Military.

Firing back at critics who blasted him for complaining that the U.S. Military were “woke, emasculated” and not macho enough, despite the fact that he never attempted to serve himself, Senator Cruz said he “would be happy to enlist and put myself in harms way to show the U.S. Army how to be good soldiers”, but then his two daughters “did not approve of his plan”.

Cruz blamed his teenagers for forcing him to fly them to Cancun while Texans suffered in sub freezing conditions brought about by the failure of the state’s power grid last winter.

Ted Cruz also came under fire for calling military personnel in a military commercial "pansies" and, according to one source, expressing how he'd love to sink his teeth into their cute behinds.

This source could not be fully corroborated.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more