Ghost of James Buchanan makes annual appearance

Funny story written by Templeton T. Rat

Thursday, 13 May 2021

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Bodyguards are “for suckers” - President James Buchanan

Once a year a chill falls upon the White House as the specter of long dead president James Buchanan appears and offers advice to the current sitting president and is then promptly ignored.

The first report of this phenomenon was when the ghostly apparition was seen speaking to James Garfield and telling him bodyguards are “for suckers” according to witnesses. The next week Garfield was promptly assassinated beginning the nation wide tradition of ignoring the ghosts always ill thought out advice.

Other reports of the spirit appearing are well known among White House Staff and personnel. The spirit famously told FDR that the New Deal was a “fools errand” and would result in his landslide loss. He also referred to FDR as “one term Franklin” even well into the former president’s 3rd term.

During his appearance to Ronald Reagan he sagely advised not to travel to Berlin and that only a “dunce” would give a speech at the Berlin Wall. The general rule of thumb passed down to each president’s successor is to not only ignore the spirit but “probably do whatever the opposite is of what it tells you.”

Since the Clinton administration nobody will even acknowledge when he appears. The last known message heard as the ghost ripped its way into our material realm was from 2000 when it was heard screaming in a chilling voice to “tell the patriots to trade Tom Brady.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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