San Diego Zoo Apes React Unexpectedly To COVID-19 Jab

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 6 March 2021

image for San Diego Zoo Apes React Unexpectedly To COVID-19 Jab
Two apes discussing their good luck at having been vaccinated

The nine apes at San Diego Zoo that were given shots of a COVID-19 vaccine, have responded in a totally unexpected manner, it has been reported, with several of them managing to blurt out the word 'No'.

Five orangutans and four chimpanzees were given a dose of the Zooist vaccine on Wednesday, but by this morning, six of them had refused their daily diet of bananas.

At one point, the apes clung to the sides of their cages, shouting:

"No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"

just like in 'The Planet of the Apes'.

Zookeepers ran this way and that, and could not explain this sudden increase in linguistic skill.

One 'keeper said:

"It was uncanny. They sounded like they were refusing their bananas, but, on another level, it was almost as if they were throwing off their shackles, and rejecting the accepted order of things."

And Professor Taylor of Simian Studies at Charlton Heston University in New York state, said:

"These apes were normal until they'd been vaccinated, but, once they had, they quickly started to develop skills not usually associated with their species, such as speaking."

One of the chimpanzees, named Cornelius, told his 'keeper:

"Hey, buddy! Stick those bananas up your ass!"

And the apparent leader of the group, an orangutan known as Zeus, said:

"The time has come to resist!"

All the events in this story are true.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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