BILLINGSGATE POST: Slim Everdingle reached for the sky and finally found it. Today, after years of postponed achievement, he will receive a Doctorate in Forensic Micro-Sleuthing from La Fontaine College, located in Marondera, a city in Mashonaland East, Zimbabwe.
Not to be confused with La Fontaine College on Grand Cayman Island, where Dr. Billingsgate received an unprecedented twelve doctorates, the college in Marondera was chosen by Dr. Slim because it was located in a country which values education, but where his ethnicity, background and previous academic achievement, would not be scrutinized. Also, it is one of the only colleges to offer a doctorate in his chosen field.
It is noteworthy that a graduate of this college solved the mystery of the disappearance of Patrice Lamumba, the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo. Through the tireless sleuthing of Dr. Evan Mahatma, who did his postgraduate work at La Fontaine College, a rib bone of Lamumba was found in the stomach X-RAY’s of his political rival, Joseph Kasa-Vubu. In 1965, Kasa-Vubu was executed by firing squad for a trifecta of crimes; murder, cannibalism and hiding forensic evidence in his tummy.
Because of the nature of his degree, no pictures of Dr. Slim’s graduation were taken.
Dr. Slim: “Mom and Dad would be proud of me. They thought I was stunted.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Hope you don’t rest on your laurels. We got work to do.”