Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster seen using UFOs to deliver ballots to Detroit polling center

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Thursday, 5 November 2020

image for Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster seen using UFOs to deliver ballots to Detroit polling center
I'm just here for the free coffee.

Eyewitnesses have reported seeing a bevy of unusual activity at the TCF Center in Detroit as ballot counting continues.

One protestor, who asked to remain anonymous, stated, "It started with the barriers. I was really upset when they put those up. How are those poll workers supposed to hear me tell them to hurry up if they are busy ignoring me while they try to count?"

She continued to describe an escalating scene of suspicious activity. "I thought it was fishy already, but when other people started seeing Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster show up in a spaceship with a bunch of sacks, I really got suspicious!"

Initial reports suggested that it may have been Champ, the Lake Champlain Monster, but someone on site clarified,
"Lake Champlain isn't in America like Loch Ness is."

From most of the reactions, it appeared that building the barricades between the poll workers and protests was the larger point of contention. Local poll watchdog Bubba Franks speculated, "I think they brought them there monsters in to make an excuse for the barriers! Everyone knows them varmints are mighty elusive, and having them here is an excuse to block people from seeing the real monkey business going on inside!"

We tracked down Bigfoot who was willing to explain things from his perspective, although he did request that he be allowed to speak from behind some local vegetation because he "had a rep to protect."

"There really isn't anything untoward going on here. Believe me, I of all bipedal mammals understand the allure of a good conspiracy theory, but complaining that some people want to perform a very important job without outside interruptions is just silly!"

Bigfoot went on to explain that it was, in fact, Champ that was with him, despite rumors to the contrary, and that they always travel by UFO to cover their tracks and keep the mystery and mystique of their brands alive.

"You know, people would stop making a big deal out of us if they actually found us, and driving around in a UFO is a great diversionary tactic. The big white sacks were just lunch. You wouldn't believe how much food that elasimasaurus can throw down!"

Champ added, "I'm not sure why people come up with all this crazy stuff. I personally feel that real life is interesting enough. Then again, I'm a living legend and one of the last dinosaurs on earth, so maybe my life is cooler than most."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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