Florida To Use Monkeys As Poll Workers

Funny story written by mikewadestr

Monday, 2 November 2020

image for Florida To Use Monkeys As Poll Workers
God, am I ever hung over!

Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, has announced election day poll workers will all be monkeys. The governor chose monkeys because of their reliability in handing out ballots to registered voters, due to their relatively small hands. Each polling place will have at least 20 monkeys working on site.

The venues will contain a wide diversity of species of monkeys, from mandrill to white faced saki.

Studies performed by Primate Research Organization (PRO) have concluded that people react more favorably to monkeys than human beings, due to the monkey's low IQ.

“Monkeys never look down upon anyone because of their small size,” started DeSantis. “They know how to hand out ballots and how to work the voting machines, which happens to be all they know. So, if you need help with the machines, just shout out “Monkey’s uncle”, and a monkey will come and assist you.”

“Monkey are also cheap. You only need a bunch of bananas to get them to work for you. All monkeys will be wearing red pants and white shirts with name tags, with the name 'Clarence' on them. All monkeys are named Clarence.”

As of press time, the monkeys were organizing a strike due to the lack of trees at the polling places.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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