White House rose garden replaced with bigit tree orchard

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Friday, 16 October 2020

image for White House rose garden replaced with bigit tree orchard
Bigit trees may not be the prettiest, but they do supply some cover for the President.

The latest update to the White House grounds comes compliments of the First Lady with strong encouragement from the President himself. Melania Trump had ordered the removal of the ornamental trees planted by Jackie Kennedy. The original plan was to make way for an ACA compliant limestone walk, but the President insisted that the loss of shade might imbalance his orange tan, and ordered the addition of the bigit trees.

It was later confirmed that Trump enjoys cultivating and growing bigit trees, not only for the White House, but for anyone that has even the smallest bigit tree growing in their house. Trump has strongly encouraged that all of his family and inner circle do everything they can to plant bigit trees of their own. In fact, growing bigit tree orchards all over the United States is a goal that Trump has said is central to his reelection campaign, and even more important than "Building the Wall", although he does admit he is disappointed that he can't paint his name and face on a bigit tree like he can on a wall.

"Our bigit tree initiative is a huge success!" Trump declared. "We started by planting the seeds of bigit trees at the White House. I have been planting them in my own own family for years. I'm the best at planting things! That's why it has been so easy to get Americans all over the country to grow bigit trees for themselves. No other president has been faster or better than me at spreading bigit trees all over the place. It's amazing! I'm so proud of myself!"

Asked why the President prefers bigit trees over any other species, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany explained, "We all know the President likes to share his version of making America great, and sowing bigit trees is something he finds that his constituents needed a little encouragement to do themselves. The President is only too happy to help everyone grow bigit trees, because he loves to feed off their fruit, and encourages all of his followers to do the same. It is the President's dream to see bigit trees spread across our great country, so that he can utilize their shade wherever he campaigns."

When told that bigit trees are an invasive species that can cause severe damage to the environment around them, the President explained, "That's just fake news. I've heard that bigit trees are great! The fruit tastes great! It tastes even better when you spit it back out of your mouth! My people eat that stuff up, and I can't wait to share more of it, especially since it will definitely help me get reelected."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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