Election Poll Shows Trump And Biden Now Neck-And-Neck

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 8 August 2020

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It's going to be close - if Russia has anything to do with it

The 2020 US presidential election campaign is shaping up to be a controversial affair with a potentially dramatic ending, after the results of the latest poll showed that the two protagonists, Donald Trump and Joe Biden, were neck-and-neck with hardly a hair's breadth to separate them.

The poll, conducted by the Poll-it-Bureau, indicated that Mr. Trump, with 51.7% of the vote, is slightly ahead of Mr. Biden, who has 51.4%.

It's not known how the strange result was calculated, but Yuri Asanaovich, a representative for the pollsters, attempted to explain:

"We calculated all of the votes we did receive, and used a complex mathematical equation to determine the likely choices of those who didn't respond. This involved looking at the participants' ages, height, weight, diet, employment, IQ, sexual preferences, criminal records, bank balances and that sort of thing."

It had been imagined, by most political analysts, that Mr. Biden would show a significant healthy lead, and the poll has sent a shockwave all around the political spectrum.

Senators from both the Republican and Democrat parties expressed mild surprise at the results.

The election is just over twelve weeks away, and a lot can happen between now and then, but, as the horses go into the final furlong, it's neck-and-neck, with Mr. Trump just edging it at the moment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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