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Funny satire stories about money laundering

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Funny story: Global bank purchases 5000 washing machines to launder their filthy money!

Global bank purchases 5000 washing machines to launder their filthy money!

(NOT EDITED) German electro giants, Miele, have just done a mega-deal with a giant, global bank. They've flogged and delivered one of their most sufficient washing machines to locations all over the planet. The bank who purchased the machines, req…

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Funny story: President Trump’s Campaign is Illegally Funneling Millions to Two Women

President Trump’s Campaign is Illegally Funneling Millions to Two Women

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) - Investigators with the Cosmos Illegal Doings Investigating Commission have stumbled upon what could possibly end up being one of the greatest money-laundering schemes since the days of Al Capone. The CIDIC found th…

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Funny story: Deutsche Bank penalized and pays $150m for Jeffrey Epstein ties - but not the one he used to commit suicide

Deutsche Bank penalized and pays $150m for Jeffrey Epstein ties - but not the one he used to commit suicide

The beleaguered financial institution Deutsche Bank are reviewing their questionable investment in Jeffrey Epstein’s collection of fine silk ties, as it could be regarded as distasteful. Brinhilda Von B’Lox, the bank's risk analyst, said ‘Epstein…

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Funny story: Jared Kushner Says That He Will Not Be Campaigning for His Daddy-in-Law (President Trump)

Jared Kushner Says That He Will Not Be Campaigning for His Daddy-in-Law (President Trump)

BALTIMORE – The President’s son-in-law was in Baltimore visiting his high school Home Economics teacher, Mrs. Bathsheba Boobinski. Jared Kushner, 39, said that Mrs. Boobinski influenced him more than any other teacher or professor. He commente...

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Funny story: Miracle Prayer Cloths Linked to Covid-19 Outbreak

Miracle Prayer Cloths Linked to Covid-19 Outbreak

Tulsa Okla; The evangelical mega-church Christ United Nations Tabernacle is at the center of an investigation lead by the CDC and the U.S. Customs Enforcement. Pastor Lester Bullard hocks “miracle prayer clothes” which he claims he prays over at...

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Funny story: DEA relieves drug cartel’s cellulose constipation

DEA relieves drug cartel’s cellulose constipation

Tijuana, Mexico - Juan Valdez, of the Shinola drug cartel here, called a press conference today to thank the DEA for removing several pounds of hundred-dollar bills from his colon. He stated: I was s-o-o-o-o constipated! I’d run out of room to...

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Funny story: Hellfire Bank says sorry for ratting on pervs' secret accounts

Hellfire Bank says sorry for ratting on pervs' secret accounts

Gnomes of Zurich, Shitzerland - The CEO of fucked-up Hellfire Bank Zurich has groveled in pubic about grassing up dodgy clients' secret bank accounts. Lord Hellfire of Mammon issued a heartfelt - ok, ok, a wallet-felt! - apology to 100,000 Z-Liste...

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Funny story: Hellfire Bank hid millions for arms dealers, drug traffickers and Z-Lister celebs

Hellfire Bank hid millions for arms dealers, drug traffickers and Z-Lister celebs

Switzerland - Hellfire Bank's Gnomes of Zurich subsidiary hid billions of $$$ for drug lords, arms dealers and Z-Lister royals according to a new report. Celeb non-entities laundered their coke-dealing squillions via the Swiss bank's private arm i...

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Funny story: Vatican Visit - Queen Arrested for Money Laundering

Vatican Visit - Queen Arrested for Money Laundering

The Queen was briefly interviewed by the Spanish Inquisition during the Royal Vatican Inspection last week it was revealed. After arriving at The Vatican with twelve articulated trucks full of dirty money and 4 Transits full of bedraggled swans inten...

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Funny story: Pope Francis not Frightened of Mafia "Cissy Boys"

Pope Francis not Frightened of Mafia "Cissy Boys"

Pope Francis told shocked Mafia delegates at a meeting of Godfathers yesterday that their blood-stained money, blood-stained power and bllod stained handkerchiefs, can't now be taken with them into the next life when the new blood stain laundering me...

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Funny story: Brit Bank refuses to hand out savers own money!

Brit Bank refuses to hand out savers own money!

One of Britains leading banks have decided to stop handing out savers own money if they cannot explain what they are going to do with their own money! Larger amounts of their customers own money is being kept because most banks are a bunch of ti...

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Funny story: 'Canadian Polar Bears Scupper Biggest Business Deal In History'

'Canadian Polar Bears Scupper Biggest Business Deal In History'

The head of Verhizon Communications Inc. says the U.S. Company is not planning to enter the Canadian wireless telecom market because of Polar Bears and French speaking Quebecois people ''who make me sick as they have been persecuting Polar Bears''.

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Funny story: Vatican Bank on verge of collapse as big heads roll in night of long knives

Vatican Bank on verge of collapse as big heads roll in night of long knives

Rome - Top knobs running the Vatican Bank fell on their tarnished swords this morning amid aftershocks in the latest money laundering scandal to grip the Holy C. Bank director Renzo Dolcelatte and his deputy Massimo Gorgonzola have fled the Bank's...

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Funny story: Another 'God's Banker' busted in Vatican money laundering racket

Another 'God's Banker' busted in Vatican money laundering racket

Rome - A Vatican Airways cargo plane loaded with €20m of illicit cash stuffed into North Face-Off zip-up holdalls was readying to take off from Switzerland's Gnomes of Zurich Airport when police swooped late last night. The seizure, part of an ong...

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Funny story: Dyson money sanitisers now on sale

Dyson money sanitisers now on sale

James Dyson, Britain's answer to Sir Clive Sinclair, has topped his trumps with his latest invention in the personal hygiene market: The Personalised Home Money Sanitiser. "This is a major step forward in cleanliness," said James Dyson. "We all kn...

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Funny story: Russia has the largest money washing machine on the planet and it's not a German Miele!

Russia has the largest money washing machine on the planet and it's not a German Miele!

Russia is losing billions of "dirty dollars" annually because they are being washed by a huge machine run by a bunch of criminal Scrubbers. Russian billionaires, the Russian Mafia and other criminal organisations are making sure that their hard-e...

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Funny story: British bank in US owned by Columbia drug cartels and Mafia!

British bank in US owned by Columbia drug cartels and Mafia!

The US senate have accused a British bank, better known as "Home Suiting Biggest Criminals", of allowing billions of drug money and huge sums from banned nations such as Iran and North korea to slip through their fingers. The washing machines at the...

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