White House insiders have revealed that President Trump has expressed surprise over what he called the "obsessive attempts to soil his reputation" by writers on an online fake news source, The Spoof.
Trump claims certain writers, in particular, seems to devote an enormous amount of time making up trashy stories which are entirely lacking in humor, sense or a point.
According to one insider, he was astonished that anyone would take so much trouble to write so much trash about him on a daily basis, bearing in mind the fake spoof version could never get anywhere near as ridiculous as the real-life version!
He has told his colleagues that he doesn't care much for ANY kind of criticism, but when the person doing the criticizing does so by placing him in situations as stupid as those he had, it needed some kind of intervention.
For instance, said Mr. Trump, Timmy, the 8-year-old boy he pays to monitor what is being written about him on The Spoof, highlighted several stories which, Timmy said, "could only have been written by someone with brain damage."
"Plus, he's probably an aging pervert," said Timmy.
Trump had presented close aides with a list of "spoofs" which he said were good examples of just how depraved and retarded some of their writers were.
One of them featured him admitting that he had been molested by Ghislaine Maxwell.
Another reported that he had invited little league baseball players to visit him at the White House while they were not wearing face masks.
One story claimed he was intent on deporting members of the Lincoln Project.
Yet another had Trump saying he had ordered Federal troops to fire tear gas and rubber bullets at a crowd of Portland mothers.
Two previous pieces of absolute garbage said that Trump had cancelled the National Convention because of the possibility of Hurricanes, and that Hope Hicks was going to be his next wife!
Many such stories have very strange names for Trump's penis, and even the word 'sex' is taboo, with substitutes like "hortizontal hokey-pokey" being used instead.
All of these stories, said Timmy, are weak and pathetic, and suggest that the writers are closet homosexuals.