Tour de France Won By Rider With Unpronounceable Name

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 29 July 2019

image for Tour de France Won By Rider With Unpronounceable Name
Wrzychykwicz makes a breakaway - other riders lag behind, giggling at his name

The Tour de France, cycling's greatest challenge, a three-week endurance test that certainly sorts the men from the boys, rolled into Paris for its final stage yesterday, and the rider who finished ahead of all the others, this year's champion, was The Man With The Unpronounceable Name.

It feels like a lifetime since Lance Armstrong won his seven Tour victories 'on the trot' with one of the easiest names to pronounce in the race's 116-year history, but the 'awkward name' ball was got rolling by last year's winner, Geraint Thomas, who had French commentators' tongues in knots over the pronunciation of his first name.

This year's champ, Steve Wrzychykwicz, of Poland, finished 1 minute 36 seconds ahead of Ukraine's Serge Wrzchykwyzsc, with Uzbekistan's Stefan Warzychinskayanovski a further 3 seconds back.

Back home in the town of Zvarwcyzsnósc, 30 miles from Warsaw, Wrzychykwicz usually goes by his first name, primarily because nobody can pronounce his second. Even his own family have problems with it. His father told us:

"I even have trouble with his first name! His real name is Stivgorwansky, but, for some reason , he's shortened it. These pesky bloody kids!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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