Boston's Father Seamus O’Hodge recalls how listening to confessions used to be enjoyable and dangerous, but now they’re as edgy as an Obama confession on Oprah.
At a Barnes and Noble book signing, promoting his new autobiography, ‘Sins aren’t what they used to be’, Father O’Hodge revealed: “When I started out, I had people confessing adultery, murder and devil worship. They were the good days,” said a salivating Father O’Hodge. “Three Hail Mary’s for a bit of incest, I made sure the penance fitted the sin.”
O’Hodge used to share good sin stories with other priests, and when one of them had a juicy nasty sinner coming in, they’d discreetly swap and have a listen. “But who wants to listen to confessions of someone binge watching Disney+?” said a disenchanted Father Seamus.
“I had one who confessed he ‘had thoughts about a young woman at work’. They were both single and unattached. ‘Confessed!’ These people need to realise they will be burdened with college debt, mortgage debt and have careers of soul-crushing monotony for decades. Don’t they know how to live?”
By the end of the book signing, Father O’Hodge was getting agitated, and confessed he told one boring sinner he should study Epstein, Bundy and Trump, and learn how to sin properly.
"Remember Jesus died for your sins, so go back out there, sin properly, and make his death, and my job, worthwhile."