Looters Complain About Macy's Return Policy

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 8 July 2020

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Macy's Parade

BILLINGSGATE POST: War is Hell. To the Victor belong the spoils...Blah, Blah and more Blah. Alexander the Great wasn’t called “Great” because he loved children and dogs. Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun struck fear into the hearts of the peoples of Western Asia and Europe. Plundering, to them, was as American as apple pie.

Today, their counterparts are the Masked Looters of America.

All wars have casualties. After the fighting and looting is over, an inventory must be taken. Some looters have legitimate complaints that must be heard.

Take Alexandria from the Bronx: *F*cking service at Macy's is ridiculous. I grabbed a rack of Greg Lauren Patchwork Drop Crotch Jeans, and none of them fit. Went back the next day, and the place was boarded up."

Then there was this Latter-Day Genghis from Lower Manhattan: "Whew, Dude. Got caught up in the action the other night. Threw my arm out tossing a Molotov cocktail at a police car. Who's gonna pay for that?"

I suspect he's not talking about the vehicle.

Attila the Honey had her own story: "Went shopping at Celine Boutique in Soho the other night. They were having a fire sale. Prices were absolutely ridiculous; blouses for $1700. Can you imagine paying that much? Well, neither can I.”

You're looking good, babe.

Slim: "I can feel their pain."

Dirty: "Yo, Dude. They will get over it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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