Black Lives Matter Forces The Supermarket Chain Winn-Dixie to Change It’s Name

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 27 June 2020

image for Black Lives Matter Forces The Supermarket Chain Winn-Dixie to Change It’s Name
Rappers, hip hoppers, and NBA players are thrilled that the supermarket food chain has dropped the name Dixie.

JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Bowing to pressure from the national organization known as Black Lives Matter, a representative for the Southern supermarket chain has announced a corporate name change.

Winn-Dixie will be dropping the name Dixie and adding the word Win.

The food chain will now become Win-Winn. The company likes the new name, because it conveys a positive team spirit and the employees love it.

One employee, identified as Leland LeRoy Hayworth, said, “I hated da hell out of da name Winn-Dixie, and it’s not ‘cause I’m black, because I ain’t. Hell, I’m as white as Nicole Kidman, exceptin' dat I be a redneck guy type bubba ya see.”

Another employee, Lulu Wickstick, said that she likes the new name seven times better than the old one.

Lulu explained that she is a soccer player, and her team is obsessed with winning. Her team the Mama Piranhas are currently 17-0 for the season.

And long-time employee, Troy Earl Pickley, 61, who prides himself in being one grouchy old son-of-a-bitch, expressed that he did not effen like the name change.

He said that he is sick and tired of every Tom, Dick, and Hakeem trying to tell Jack and Jill what the hell to do, or not to do, or to say, or not to say.

Troy Earl was fired by a manager, 45 seconds later, for being a disgruntled piece of shit.

The company spokesperson said that they will be incorporating the new name in their ads, with the first one being “Win-Winn – All of our food is so good - we call it the Super Bowl of food.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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