COLUMBUS, Ohio – The city council voted to take down the statue of the man who most believe discovered America.
Although, the descendants of Amerigo Vespucci will say that it was actually discovered by their family predecessor, who was affectionately known as “Pucci.”
When the council was told that Columbus did not own any slaves, one councilman replied, “That’s true, but he did shoot a whole lot of Native-Americans so that he could steal their maize (corn), their moccasins, and their squaws."
The rumor that Columbus was dating a gorgeous 19-year-old Iroquois maiden, named Woman-Who-Rides-Buffalo-Backwards, have not been substantiated, as of yet.
Some long-time residents expressed their disapproval of the statue being taken down, and wondered if they have some kind of recourse.
The mayor replied, “Yes, you do. Y’all can sell your homes and move to nearby towns like Pataskala, Lithopolis, or Choctaw Lake.”