Protesters throw slaver statue into the sea

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Monday, 8 June 2020

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Slavery: not as much fun as it sounds

During an anti-racism rally in Bristol yesterday, enthusiastic protesters tore down a statue of 17th century slave-trader Edward Colston and threw it into the sea.

Tory councillor Geoff Shackles was outraged. "The statue was sitting happily in the park for many years," he said. "Then all of a sudden these people uproot it and transport it across the city, and into the water, where it will never breathe the fresh air of freedom again. I hope there will be reparations."

Conservative whip Jacob Rees Mogg also condemned the destruction. "Who among us can honestly say they have never transported African workers to the New World? I hope that those protesters' own statues are treated so badly."

Some people involved in the act did not seem aware of who Colston was. One masked agitator said, "Oi didn't loike the statue, innit! It were an old white guy wearing bronze-face. Oi thought it were Jim Davidson."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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