This week, SpaceX launched the first ever rocket from US soil into space, and the crew were astonished to find a strange alien space station already orbiting the Earth.
"It was totally unexpected," said baboon-faced Musk. "We thought we were the pioneers, the first men into space, seeking out new life, and it's very surprising to find that the aliens were waiting for us."
On learning that the international space station was inhabited by Russians, weirdo Musk immediately called them paedos, and ranted about launching another rocket to destroy the station. "They can't do this. It's mine. Space is mine!"
The professional twat billionaire, who recently named his son X Æ A-12, rambled on. "I'm like Columbus discovering a new world. Some day, people will make statues of me, and then hundreds of years later tear them down because they don't understand me. But these Russians are no better than the Aztecs, living out there in space with their blood sacrifices and cities of gold. We should conquer them and their capital on Mars. Some day, they will thank us."