Students at Oxford University today threatened to tear down a statue of Cecil Rhodes' bust, over concerns that it was inappropriate for a modern campus.
Protester Sue Mi said, "Apart from the colonial links, it's just a disgusting statue of a fat old man with his moobs out."
Rhodes was immortalised in the statue shortly before his death. He chose the pose himself, because of his nickname "the milkman of Africa".
Conservative MP Harold Archbishop was aghast. "How dare they tear down a statue of such a beloved British icon!" he fumed. "Rhodes represented the British Empire at its best. He wanted the English with their natural superiority to rule every corner of the world, even the most backward places. And he wasn't a racist, he wanted to educate the blacks so that they could become good servants."
Statue expert Chip O'Tool said it was a problem that affected lots of statues. "The problem is that practically everyone in history was racist. If we removed all the statues of racist people, there would be hardly any left. The only ones we'd keep would be Eric Morecambe and the Elephant Man."
Mi was happy to destroy so many statues. "What do we need statues of rich dead people for anyway? If they were worth looking up to, they'd have their own YouTube channel. How many followers does Cecil Rhodes have?"