Washington, D.C. A motley mob of demonstrators destroyed the Washington Monument early this morning, climaxing a week of toppled statues and defaced memorials. President Trump immediately announced that the monument would be restored to an upright position before election day. The rubble stretched the length of the Capital Mall.
Today's protest followed the obliteration of Mt. Rushmore by drones and immolation of Camp David, the presidential retreat.
The Disunited Front, composed of Anti-Capitalists, Only Some Lives Matter, Peace in Their Time, Immigrants All, Confederacy Will Rise Again, All Lost Causes and the usual monarchists, looters and hangers-on, claimed responsibility for the monument's destruction. No reasons were given other than "To see it fall!"