Justin Bieber Addresses Those Alleged SXSW Sexual Assault Allegations

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

image for Justin Bieber Addresses Those Alleged SXSW Sexual Assault Allegations
Justin says that he would like to record a song with hip hop artist Yo-Yo Afro Woke.

LOS ANGELES – Justin Bieber says that he does not want to have to address the fake alleged allegations of assault, but he has to, because it is his voting right and his right to bear arms.

Needless to say, the Beeb still partakes of the brewskis.

He noted that the alleger, who is alleging that the assault allegations took place at the SXSW Music Festival & Jalapeno-Eating Contest in Austin, Texas, is named Danielle Gertrude Tchaikovsky, which he points out is a made-up name, if ever there was one.

Bieber, who recently told Judge Jeanine Pirro, that he just got his 400th tattoo, asks why in the world would he have to assault Miss Tchaikovsky, when at the time he was dating the beautifully-stunning Selena Gomez, who he says, in the looks department, is a 10, whereas Danielle is a 2.

The 26-year-old native of Canada shrugged his shoulders and remarked, “Hey, lissen up, dis Dani chick is just jealous of the fact that my sexy, gorgeous, lascivious wife, Hailey Baldwin, is da only gal who gets da Beeb’s stuff.”

Meanwhile, Miss Tchaikovsky’s attorney says that his client will gladly settle for $2.9 million, plus an autographed Justin Bieber shirt, a Justin Bieber 8 by 10 glossy suitable for framing, and a Justin Bieber motorcycle.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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