Why You Can’t Leave Hotel California: The Blue Heeler Bites Back

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 12 June 2020

image for Why You Can’t Leave Hotel California: The Blue Heeler Bites Back
JoJo The Blue Heeler

BILLINGSGATE POST: If you listen carefully to the lyrics of Hotel California, by The Eagles, you might easily make the mistake of over-analyzing the song; attributing inappropriate metaphors to decipher the true meanings of the lyrics.

Have you ever wondered why you could check out of the hotel, but you could never leave?

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax", said the nightman
"We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave"

AnthropomorphismIcally speaking, until I discovered that the night man was actually a Blue Heeler dog, bred by Australians to herd cattle, the haunting lyrics of the final verse left me unsettled. When I read that Blue Heelers have one of the worst reputations among any breed for biting people, my heart warmed some for the breed.

In particular, it is well known that a Blue Heeler will let anyone into a house, yet not let him or her out. They will attack the person's heel, true to the name "heeler."

In California, if you own a gun, you must keep it in a locked cabinet; and the ammunition must be stored elsewhere. In all likelihood, if you had a home invasion, by the time you unlocked your cabinet and loaded your firearm, the invader would either be gone, or you would be dead.

With a Blue Heeler, although he allowed the sum b*tch in, he wouldn’t let him out, giving you plenty of time to unlock your gun and slam a clip in.

Slim: “AnthropomorphismIcally? WTF is he talking about?

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I don’t know. But remind me to wear boots when I visit you.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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