Sanders and AOC on the Coronavirus: “Capitalism Kills; Socialism Saves.”

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Monday, 1 June 2020

image for Sanders and AOC on the Coronavirus: “Capitalism Kills; Socialism Saves.”
Havana woman and dog - clearly not social distancing

Bernie Sanders is baffled by, and enraged with, what the world is missing about COVID-19: “Isn’t it amazing,” he observed, “that Cuba and Venezuela, both of which I have long admired, have had so few deaths from the virus?” He is proposing that the U.S. withdraw all sanctions against these countries in return for their providing assistance and expertise in combatting COVID-19 to the U.S.

He went on: “Capitalists love numbers, so look at the f___ numbers. Anyone can see that socialism works, and what Cuba and Venezuela have accomplished in this difficult time proves it.”

According to Worldometer and other web-sites, Venezuela and Cuba have reported very few COVID-19 deaths. To date, the two countries combined have reported about 100 deaths from the virus. If one were to extrapolate these numbers to the entire world, there would have been about 20,000 deaths worldwide. There have, unfortunately, been more than that number of deaths just in New York. When asked if there was any other possible explanation that might account for so few reported COVID-19 deaths in the countries, Sanders replied:

“Absolutely not. As my colleagues on the other side of the aisle used to like to say, the numbers are the numbers.”

The event ended with Sander’s asserting: “Capitalism kills; socialism saves,” and Congresswoman AOC, who attended the briefing, shouting “Viva Fidel! Viva Fidel!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more