Donald Trump announced at a Rose Garden press conference, (no questions, please) that he plans to resign before the election to spend more time with his wife and family.
After the news reporters stopped laughing, much to Mr. Trump’s chagrin, though previously ordered not to ask any questions, Jim Acosta of CNN, stood and sang, in full baritone voice, “What is the rest of the joke, not that I’m asking?”
Trump’s eyes squinted to near shut and then directed the Secret Service to remove Mr. Acosta out of the Rose Garden. “That $%>#?&, I always wanted to do that to that fake reporter since I got here.”
Finally, Trump managed to regain his composure and continued, “I’ve noticed that this job has taken more of my time than I originally anticipated. I have a wife and young son who need me at this time.”
Again the reporters regaled into peals of laughter, some using their face masks to wipe away the tears, others managing high fives. Yet, no one asked a follow up question.
“I’ll resign in September, Mike Pence will be sworn in by Attorney General William Barr, and I’ll take Air Force One to Mar-a-Lago, and I'm keeping Air Force One. Mitch McConnell already okayed it."
A reporter volunteered, “We can only assume that your resignation was motivated by the Supreme Court’s recent unanimous decision ordering you to release all of your financial and tax records and connections with Deutsche Bank.”
The television cameras were able to actually pick up the wheels turning in Trump’s head as he tried to determine whether that was a question or not.
The pause was taking too much time, so Trump continued with his announcement. “Given that while living and working at the White House, I may have accidentally broken one or two pieces of china, (which he pronounced ssh-In-nah) President Pence will pardon me of everything I’ve ever done in the past, present and future.”
He quickly continued, “And I’ll pay for any property damage just like Obama paid for before he left the White House in a shambles.”
Read more by this author: