Man Positive He Knows Which Wanker Gave Him Virus

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Tuesday, 7 April 2020

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Myke Kenwood - Good Looking Bastard

Office worker Myke Kenwood told reporters, Tuesday, that he knows exactly which wanker gave him the coronavirus.

Suffering from a cough, fever and a severe sore throat, Kenwood said: "That wanker, Tatty Mullett; it's his fault. Twat. I remember him coughing all day. The moron didn't have a handkerchief. The fool didn't even cover his mouth."

“I bet that tosspot gave it to me when we were talking about Harry Maguire, and the hilarious stories we had been reading. He kept coughing and sneezing. That fucking dickhead said it was his allergies playing up. I just know he knew he had the virus, the utter prick."

This evening, several of Kenwoods’s colleagues were allegedly now suffering from the virus, which they claim they caught from Kenwood. “That stupid cunt, Myke, spreading this shit around. Knobhead."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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