BILLINGSGATE POST: (Dateline Galapagos Islands)
The Board Has Decided:
RE: Liberal Sterilization Mandate: To counter the polarization that has divided the BILLINGSGATE INSTITUTE regarding the mandatory sterilization issue, Board President, Dr. Cleotus "Clete" Earlbeck, has asked members to join him in listening to selected inspirational songs by his favorite recording artist, Cristy Lane.
Ms. Cristy, whose songs have given faith and inspiration to millions, was flown into the Galapagos yesterday and has been warbling her wistful melodies for hours. With Board Members crying for mercy after listening to "One Day At a Time" and "Footprints In The Sand" too many times to count, Ms. Cristy was finally given the hook. With the smirk of evil genius enveloping his usually bland countenance, Dr. Earlbeck asked the Board if they had had enough.
Under these onerous conditions, they were more than ready to vote on the sterilization mandate. With a unanimous show of hands it was decreed that not only should sterilization be mandatory for liberals, if some states refuse to enforce the mandate, the Constitution shall be amended to guarantee compliance.
Dr. Billingsgate wishes to thank the BILLINGSGATE INSTITUTE and its Board of Directors for the above decree. Although it provides absolutely no flexibility, it is not unduly harsh. Surely liberals should be thankful that the Board was not vindictive, and while being sterilized is not fun, it beats being horse-whipped.
Slim: “A nice combination of compassion and maniacal idealism.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Unprecedented in modern times.”
NOTE: Due to the Coronavirus, until further notice, Dr. Billingsgate will be publishing his stories from his Safe Space Cave in the Galapagos.