Miracle Prayer Cloths Linked to Covid-19 Outbreak

Funny story written by Harry Klondike

Saturday, 21 March 2020

image for Miracle Prayer Cloths Linked to Covid-19 Outbreak
Prayer cloth preys on the believers

Tulsa Okla; The evangelical mega-church Christ United Nations Tabernacle is at the center of an investigation lead by the CDC and the U.S. Customs Enforcement.

Pastor Lester Bullard hocks “miracle prayer clothes” which he claims he prays over at the request of viewers who mail in prayer requests. These requests frequently contain a cash tithe of anywhere between $1 and $803 dollars. Even if there is no tithe, the person still receives a prayer cloth, and all get a small forestworth of paper by way of junk mail.

These cloths are a 4x4-inch piece of silky white microfiber (normally used to clean cell phones or eye glasses). The company which produces them are located - not in Bethlehem as is claimed, but in an area of China which has been heavily affected by the current viral outbreak. Pastor Bullard swears he prays over each cloth until it is soaked in his tears and palm sweat. He has so far tested negative for Covid-19.

He stated that his strong spiritual faith kept him from getting sick. He also claimed that the anti-Christian, liberal, atheistic media were out to get him. ‘I’ve got 6 private jets, and multiple mansions in prime real estate areas. You know why? I’m a faithful servant of the Lord, that’s why! I am poor compared to Saudi royals and people like that puffy, pasty-faced, demon-screwing, rootless cosmopolitan, Soros! They’re worshiped by the filthy false profits pretending to be news outlets! You know why? The real money-men hate Jesus as much, if not more than, the so-called news media! This world is facing a reckoning for one reason alone, and that’s ‘cause Jesus’ most humble servant is under attack! I’m so sick of this mother fuckin’ government IRS, DEA, FBI, bullshit!!! The Lord ain’t takin’ this one lyin’ down I’ll tell ya that!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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