Florida Spring Breakers Told To Get off The Beaches or Risk Getting Shot

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Friday, 20 March 2020

image for Florida Spring Breakers Told To Get off The Beaches or Risk Getting Shot
Some parts of the Florida beaches are so crowded with spring breakers that you can't even see the sand.

TALLAHASSEE – The governor of Florida says that he is fed up with all these young college kids running around his beaches half naked, and, in 17% of the cases, totally naked.

He has warned all of the spring breakers to pack up their swimsuits, their Nikes, their beer bongs, and their marijuana, and go back to their home states.

The governor emphasized that failure to comply with his order could result in someone getting shot.

Many elderly long-time Florida beach residents say that they can’t even go outside without seeing dozens of pairs of female breasts staring them in their face.

One resident, Roscoe Bookmeister, 91, said that he loves sitting on his front porch across from the beach, staring at the young nubile topless college girls, and reminiscing about when he used to grab ‘em by the blank, as Donald Trump has said he's done.

IN CLOSING - Doctors told Mrs. Bookmeister that the huge bump on her husband’s head should go down in 3 to 4 days. Meanwhile local police are holding on to the shovel as evidence.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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