Written by Gee Pee

Monday, 5 November 2018

image for Beach bums' baby hooked on New Zealand island
Gratuitous eye candy.

A New Zealand fisherman caught an 18-month-old baby boy while fishing off the coast of North Island.

“I was expecting bass,” Gus “The Guzzler” H____ (name withheld to protect us from possible unpleasantness associated with reporting the news) said, “but I hooked a child.”

Initially, H____, who'd drunk a case of 16-ounce Rolling Rocks beer, said, “I thought I'd caught a doll, until the little tyke started screaming. I guess he didn't fancy the hook through his lower lip.”

The boy had “escaped” from his parents, who, homeless, were living in a tent on the island's Matata Beach.

The boy's face looked as if it were made of “porcelain,” and his “wetted-down hair” looked painted-on, H____ said. “When the little bugger started to squeal, I realized it was human.”

H____ is credited by authorities with saving the boy's life. “A riptide would have gotten him for sure, if H____ hadn't hooked him,” Lifeguard Brooke M____ said.

The boy, who was shaken, not stirred, was returned to his parents, who promised not to let their son take a long walk off a short pier anymore, no matter how much he likes the ocean.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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