In England, the sewer pipes double as storm water pipes. When there are storms the storm water floods out to sea and takes the sewage with it. These are all very old Victorian sewer pipes, and the system has never been completely updated.
PADRE ISLAND BEACH, Texas - (Satire News) - The first edition of the new magazine Beaches, Boobs, & Butts Magazine has just hit the US newstands. Magazine editor Polly Piscatini, 29, said that the first edition sold out within the first 2 hour…
ALFALFA BEACH, Kansas – (Satire News) – The state of Kansas, has decided that in the interest of public safety, it’s lone beach will be shut down during Spring Break. Most Americans had no idea that landlocked Kansas even had a beach. Noted Kan…
MRS. PONCE DE LEON BEACH, Florida – (Funny News) - City officials in this popular ocean beach town say that tourists and local residents have all evacuated the beach. A spokesman for the city stated that health experts tested a total of 63 jellyfi…
With the onset of record-breaking sunshine, the people of the UK have ignored Government advice, and have squeezed themselves onto overcrowded beaches. St. Mawes in Cornwall (normal population 1000), recently voted Britain's Best Beach, has seen…
Americans were relieved and even overjoyed this week as things finally began to get back to normal. Not only were hugely crowded beaches and urine-salted public swimming pools a sight for sore eyes, people felt a sense of normalcy seeing an increase...
HURRICANE BEACH, Florida – In what local residents are calling a very unpopular decision in this day of the Coronavirus, the Florida Beach Authority has decided to reopen Hurricane Beach. When life-time resident, Trixie Belle Stufflebaum, 91, hear...
TALLAHASSEE – The governor of Florida says that he is fed up with all these young college kids running around his beaches half naked, and, in 17% of the cases, totally naked. He has warned all of the spring breakers to pack up their swimsuits, the...
President Trump has urged young Americans to heed the advice to socially distance and avoid large crowds, but masses have flocked to beaches for spring break. In an earlier statement about young people, Trump said that "they're feeling invincible, bu...
A man in Scarborough was given a custodial sentence on Friday, after he told a judge he would have no intention of paying any fine levied against him for his failure to pick up a dog shit that his pet had left on one of the town's beaches. Ian Bra...
A New Zealand fisherman caught an 18-month-old baby boy while fishing off the coast of North Island. “I was expecting bass,” Gus “The Guzzler” H____ (name withheld to protect us from possible unpleasantness associated with reporting the news) sai...
Governor Murphy announced he will be signing the Bill passed last week by the Democratic lawmakers in New Jersey to ban swimming at all beaches on the Jersey Shore this year. House Bill 1916 was passed through both Houses last Thursday. Spe...
It happened when drones (y'know, those flying thingies of all shapes and sizes) read about one of their own that was able to rescue two teenagers from a rough surf in Australia. The drone provided a rescue for the swimmers in trouble by quickly throw...
Today it has come to national attention that a local Council will seek the execution of a pensioner who built a shed on the beach, fixed the road and stopped people dumping rubbish. As the plot unravels in the mainstream media it appears as though...
Arrested for trop d'habits ("too much attire"), the teenagers were wearing bathing suits from the 1950's, their grandmothers' time. They put on these old bathing suits "for fun" and were actually relieved that men were not always "staring, you kno...
In a drive to arrest falling numbers of visitors to our seaside towns one such place has taken drastic measures to ensure it's future. Sleepy Salminton On Sea has declared that every visitor over the age of 18 can claim a free bottle of wine upon arr...
General Craig Filner made public Monday that the US has weighed its options, and has decided it will be sending forces into the Bahamas in the coming days. The military act is believed to be in response to the Vladimir Putin decision of sending R...
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