Gov. Newsom Puts Coronavirus Bounty On Straying Senior Citizens

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 15 March 2020

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Mutiny On The Bounty

BILLINGSGATE POST: For a moment, I thought it was a joke. The banner line crossing the bottom of my TV said that California Governor Gavin Newsom was issuing a bounty on senior citizens over the age of 65. Anyone caught outside the door of their domicile could be apprehended, and upon the delivery of the victim’s ears to the County Treasurer, paid a bounty of $450, tax free.

Newsom also called for the closure of all bars.

“If they can’t [work], how are they going to survive?” said Adolfo Espinoza, owner of Rocco’s WeHo, a drag bar in Santa Monica.

Before hearing about Newsom’s directive, Espinoza said he had no plans to close, despite bad reviews and social media posts from people who shamed Rocco’s for not shutting down for people’s safety.

“We live in a sick world,” he said. “Sex and alcohol is always going to sell.“

Insanity? Not so fast, Buster.

Newsom: “Those old turkey necks have been bleeding the State for years. Our pension funds were predicated on a mortality rate differential that didn’t take into account that people were living far beyond the age of 65. The Coronavirus is a gift to Generation X that just keeps on giving.”

Slim: “I wonder if his parents were told about this?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Nah...The guy was born under a rock.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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