Washington State officials urge citizens not to lick things

Written by Aspartame Boy

Thursday, 5 March 2020

image for Washington State officials urge citizens not to lick things
This cow offered to lick our ballots after sucking the snot out of its nose

Washington State officials have pleaded with citizens not to lick ballots.

Mail-in ballots for the mammary election are normally sealed into envelopes by licking.

To avoid spreading disease, officials requested other means be used.

We polled the citizens of Washington, and here are the top ten ways citizens plan to deal:

1. Use a sponge
2. Hold it under a raining sky
3. Spit on it
4. Sprinkle beer on it
5. Use snot
6. Use blood from a hamburger package
7. Use chicken package drippings
8. Mix up chemicals from kids chemistry set
9. Pee on it
10. Use cow urine

There are rumors that many are drinking cow urine in a bid to beat the reaper.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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