Love Accused of Colonialism

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 19 February 2020

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Denying accusations of colonialism, love explained that it identifies as libertarian.

Called out on its signature slogan of “conquering all,” much-touted love has been accused of colonialism.

Said Darrell Foster of Montana, “Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned self-determination? Love wants to have its hand in everything!”

Anna Everett, a social justice advocate in New York City, agreed. “There’s no give-and-take with love. Why should it always come out on top? And who is it to claim that it knows best for everyone?”

Everett noted that it is a fundamental human right to choose to live in fear and hate. “But love doesn’t want to give people a choice. Not to mention the narcissism! I mean, 'makes the world go 'round'? Come on."

Sociology professor Ken Kellogg pointed out that love has managed to make its way into immigrant communities and even the prison system. “It's targeting the most vulnerable populations,” said Kellogg. “It demands to roam unfettered and unchecked, recognizing no limitations or boundaries. It’s extremely insidious - and quite brazen.”

Love, itself, has denied the accusations of colonialism, going so far as expressing willingness to adopt a new motto. In lieu of “Love conquers all,” it is considering "Love and let love,” a motto that it considers consistent with its political leanings. "Fundamentally, I'm a libertarian," love explained.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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