Thousand pound male seeks bride; finds, but it doesn't last

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 23 January 2020

image for Thousand pound male seeks bride; finds, but it doesn't last
Trodonsky and Suerte also hoped to tour Madison Square Gardens

Strong man from Northern Pakistan, Arbab Khizer Hayat, has responded sympathetically to a fellow hulk's plight who came forward yesterday.

This new figure in the mammoth male field felt obliged to share his experience with Mr. Hayat after the latter's appeal for a love-mate hit the press in the past few days.

From Siberia, Mr. Vladimir Trodonsky has similar dimensions to Mr. Hayat, at 6' 6” and weighing in at 980 pounds.

Both strong men are on record with prodigious feats of strength, as Mr. Hayat is able to lift a car with one hand while pulling buses and tractors with a rope in his teeth.

Mr. Trodonsky has been photographed with two men on each shoulder, and two females on top of his head as he does push-ups.

Both males also eat a prodigious amount of food to keep in shape.

Daily:

*4 chickens
*36 eggs
*7 pounds of additional meat
*5 liters of milk

Mr. Hayat's plight at finding a suitable female mate has not come due to lack of applicants, but the problem of most at “puny.” A height of 6' 4” and 220 pounds = minimum required.

Meanwhile, Mr. Trodonsky has taken to the press to share his tribulations in this area.

Having spent many years companion-less due to the “puny” factor with females, some of whom he was unable to find under the covers after taking to his bed, Mr. Trodonsky has the experience to advise on this matter.

At last he thought he had found a mate in fellow Siberian, Samantha Suerte, with a torrid affair that led to a marriage.

Ms. Suerte topped 6' 5” and hefted in at 725 pounds, he said, with the only problem a need to strengthen his bed posts and mattress.

Engineers in Siberia responded with the finest steel girders and toughest rubber to hold the mattress together.

Mr. Trodonsky and his bride planned exciting projects, as she was also inclined to weight-lifting and feats of her own.

They dreamed of being a team touring the globe.

They fancied lifting The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, and placing it several feet either further east or west.

But then Ms.Suerte took to bench pressing Mr. Trodonsky.

With him high above her head she also twirled him.

He was dizzy for weeks and had to use a cane.

That ended it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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