Nashville Woman Doesn’t Miss Ex Much at All

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 14 January 2020

image for Nashville Woman Doesn’t Miss Ex Much at All
It was a breeze for Maria Marlowe to delete her thousand-plus text messages from ex Finn O'Connell. "I feel lighter now."

“It’s so funny how seldom I think about him,” said Maria Marlowe of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding Finn O'Connell, a man she dated for about two months, with whom she recently broke up. “It occurs to me all the time how he almost never even crosses my mind. Even though it's only been a few weeks, I’m pretty much totally over it.”

According to Maria, her breakup with 28-year-old Finn, 14 years her junior, was completely amicable. “It was just one of those situations that was never going to work out. We knew that from the get-go, and we enjoyed our connection for what it was, until it naturally ran its course. It all happened very organically. No big deal.”

She laughed and added, “To be totally honest, I was actually relieved when it was officially over. We knew we were living on borrowed time.”

Maria noted that even when she drives past Finn’s house or visits the places the two of them used to go together, her equanimity rarely wavers. “I was super into him, and part of me wondered if losing him might totally rock me. Not even close, though. It’s encouraging to see how resilient I am.”

So resilient, in fact, that it was a breeze for her to delete their thousand-plus text conversations from her phone. “I feel lighter now. Sure, we had some great chats, but I have great chats with a lot of people. And I will again. Again, no big deal. I haven’t given it a second thought.”

Resilient though she may be, Maria made a point of emphasizing that she is far from cold-hearted. “I still wish him the best."

And while some of her friends have accused her of mildly cyber-stalking her ex, Maria laughed off such assertions. “It’s not stalking to follow a band. Finn’s band just released a new album, and it kicks ass. I’d be obsessed with it even if he and I didn’t have a history.”

All in all, while she doesn’t give Finn himself much thought, Maria deeply values all that she learned from their time together. “My main takeaway is that no matter how attracted you are to someone and how special your connection seems, it doesn’t mean that life won’t go on just fine after they’re gone. It’s freeing to see that my happiness doesn’t depend on any one person. I’m whole and complete on my own. It’s a wonderful feeling.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more