Valentine's Day Cancelled Due To You-Know-What

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 13 February 2020

image for Valentine's Day Cancelled Due To You-Know-What
Sorry, not this year

Chocolate manufacturers, as well as greeting card and flower sellers all over the world are in uproar this morning, after an international ban on celebrating Valentine's Day came into force, due to the possible spread of infection of the deadly You-know-what. *

February 14 marks the feast of St. Valentine, when couples take the opportunity to express their love for each other in a number of romance-related ways, including giving chocolates (men), giving flowers (men), and giving head (women).

Now, however, due to the outbreak of the You-know-what, the governments of the UK and the US, as well as several in Europe, have ruled that puckering-up and sharing a kiss on Valentine's Day this Friday, would be too much of a risk of cross-infection, and have cancelled it.

A curfew has been put in force, but, despite this, authorities have warned everyone that they should refrain from having sex until the You-know-what has been brought fully under control.

This could yet be several months away, and people have been warned to restrain themselves, and not to indulge in anything that could result in the passing of bodily fluids.

A spokesman said:

"People have been told to bite their lip, instead of someone else's."


* C*ronavirus

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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