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In America All Politicians Know How To Put On The Sad Face When They Offer Their "Thoughts And Prayers" After A Mass Shooting.

Funny story: In America All Politicians Know How To Put On The Sad Face When They Offer Their "Thoughts And Prayers" After A Mass Shooting.

The long overused but handy expression used by countless soulless politicians and supposed sympathizers when trying to gloss over a tragedy so that they could get back to their money making and power grabbing duties has run its course. The public at...

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It's OK to Shoot Bald Eagles

Only days after the Yellowstone Grizzly Bear lost its place on the endangered species list, Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke today removed the American Bald Eagle from the Fish and Wildlife Service's list. Environmentalists immediately file notice of in...

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Boyfriend makes girlfriend shoot him to get some social media hits - Gets a big hit but doesn't end well

Funny story: Boyfriend makes girlfriend shoot him to get some social media hits - Gets a big hit but doesn't end well

A contender for this years Darwin Awards is a young guy who spent months talking his girlfriend into shooting him on camera. Satire writers union rep stated "The story is another example of encroachment upon satire writers turf as this is clearly...

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An Unassuming Proposition: Teach Gangs to Shoot Straight

The near-fatal shooting of a small child in Compton last week, hit by a stray bullet intended for someone else, was only the most recent in a long list of similar unintentional shootings of innocent victims. This nation has had more than enough fune...

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Seven injured in shooting at planned Active Shooter drill in downtown Denver

DENVER, Colo. - Seven people were severely injured when a man began firing during a planned Active Shooter drill in an office suite in downtown Denver's Tabor Center. The victims are all currently in stable condition. With public shootings reachi...

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Hillary Shoots Teenager On Fifth Avenue

Funny story: Hillary Shoots Teenager On Fifth Avenue

While Donald Trump mesmerized the media and the public with his crazy antics, Hillary Clinton was the one to actually shoot someone on New York's Fifth Avenue. It all unfolded as Clinton was shopping before a political rally on New York's famous...

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New Keypad Let's You Butt Dial On Purpose

Funny story: New Keypad Let's You Butt Dial On Purpose

Chemist, and now inventor, Trevor Maxon is enabling people to accurately do on purpose what they always do by accident: butt dial. For our interview and demonstration this day, Maxon is wearing his Bluetooth enabled Boogie Pad Butt Dialer jeans.

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Man moans on Twitter about trying to write shopping list while shooting takes place outside

Funny story: Man moans on Twitter about trying to write shopping list while shooting takes place outside

32 year old Simon Smith of Moss Side, Manchester has moaned about trying to write his shopping list as gang members shoot each other directly outside his house. Average resident Mr Smith took to Twitter to 'tell off' local gang members Kid Lowride...

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Kanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel

Funny story: Kanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel

Kanye West and Taylor Swift have agreed that there is only one way to settle their ongoing feud: They will meet this coming Saturday at high noon, packing matching Colt .45 Peacemakers, at the O.K. Corral in Tombstone, Arizona, for a good old-fashio...

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Michigan Woman Wrongly Convicted For Firing Weapon Into McDonald's, Because Bacon

GRAND RAPIDS, MI - A local woman was wrongly found guilty today of firing a shot into the drive-thru window of a McDonald's on February 10, 2015. We say wrongly convicted because the woman, "Shaneka," only fired the weapon into the store at head leve...

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Ferguson learns valuable lesson: Don't announce bad news at night

Funny story: Ferguson learns valuable lesson: Don't announce bad news at night

Ferguson, Mo. - Businesses were ablaze and bullets flew overhead throughout the night in Ferguson as officials chose the late evening as the best time to announce that a white police officer would not be indicted in the shooting of an unarmed black t...

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California Considers Move to Ban 'Blonde Sluts' After Man Goes on Rampage Because He Never Got Any

Isla Vista, CA - A delusional, 22 year-old man went on a premeditated killing spree Friday night in an attempt to get "retribution", as he stated it, for the slight he felt humanity had given him. His hatred focused on one creature in particular:...

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DiNozzo, McGee and Gibbs hotfoot it downtown amid Capitol Hill gunshots lock down

Funny story: DiNozzo, McGee and Gibbs hotfoot it downtown amid Capitol Hill gunshots lock down

Washington DC - The sound of gunfire on Capitol Hill has seen the arrival of the same NCIS rapid response unit that secured the Washington Navy Yard on 16 September following a massacre that claimed 12 innocent lives. Special Agents Jethro Gibbs,...

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Workplace Shooting in Kansas

Funny story: Workplace Shooting in Kansas

The epidemic of gun violence in America continues unabated. The most recent incident occurred this past Friday at the Acme Widget and Wingding factory in Schnottville, Kansas. What seemed at first to be a typical Friday at the factory turned deadl...

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Teenage Boy Opens Fire on Wayne LaPierre and Sean Hannity

Funny story: Teenage Boy Opens Fire on Wayne LaPierre and Sean Hannity

National Rifle Association CEO and gun-rights martyr Wayne LaPierre likely was not expecting to be shot at as he celebrated the day after Gun Appreciation Day by shooting off his mouth with Sean Hannity on the Fox Comedy Network. LaPierre said he...

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President Obama Quitting, Moving to UK

Funny story: President Obama Quitting, Moving to UK

WASHINGTON - U.S. President Barack Obama announced Monday morning that he is resigning from the presidency effective immediately and moving to the United Kingdom. According to a White House press release, Obama has lost all hope for the country a...

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"I Guess I'll Have to Postpone My Mass Killing if Guns Are Outlawed" - an opinion piece

Funny story: "I Guess I'll Have to Postpone My Mass Killing if Guns Are Outlawed" - an opinion piece

by Robert James Helper, future murderer With the events in Connecticut this week, a lot of Americans are finally starting to ask if stricter gun control is the key to preventing these types of tragedies from occurring. This argument is pretty sound: fewer guns, fewer killings with guns. I think all Americans should be able to agree that new gun regulations are a necessary and vital component fo...

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New Mexico man shot during robbery, or by accident, or some damned how

Funny story: New Mexico man shot during robbery, or by accident, or some damned how

SILVER CITY, New Mexico (ABSNN) - Oddly enough, given the large number of guns and ammunition stores found in a gun shop, very few people have ever been shot in one, unless, of course, "they had it coming." Such was the case in this tiny New Mexico...

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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