Nashville Man Unexpectedly Becomes Enlightened

Written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 30 December 2019

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A modest man, Zebediah Gibson doesn't throw his enlightenment in people's faces.

While stumbling drunk down a back alley on a Sunday morning at the crack of dawn, Zebediah Gibson of Nashville, Tennessee, unexpectedly became enlightened.

"It was bizarre," sad Gibson of the unanticipated flash of radiance that hit him in the form of what appeared to be an angel. "It took me a minute to process it."

But process it he did, and in doing so, he realized he'd somehow spiritually awakened to a level aspired to but rarely reached by even the most dedicated practitioners of meditation and other spiritual traditions.

And it is for precisely that reason that Gibson has done his best not to flaunt his enlightenment or to throw it in people's faces in the heat of a petty argument. He did, however, confide the details of his experience to one friend, a devout Christian - who expressed some skepticism regarding his enlightenment.

Gibson took his friend's remarks in stride. "He thinks I was saved, not enlightened. That gave me a lot to think about."

For now, though, Gibson is sticking with his original interpretation, in part because most saved people attend church every Sunday morning. "That would be a real hassle. I'm not a morning person."

And while Gibson has no particular spiritual agenda, he is staying open to additional enlightenment experiences down the road. "No pressure on the universe or anything. We'll just see what happens."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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