Nashville Man Strongly Cautions Friend Against Suicide

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 23 December 2019

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Caleb Higgins warned a sad friend that suicide can be very touch-and-go.

When a down-in-the-dumps friend confided that he was considering taking his own life, Caleb Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, strongly cautioned his friend against committing suicide.

"I totally get the appeal, but it's really not all it's cracked up to be," said Higgins. "You don't even realize how many things can go wrong until you try it."

Higgins went on to note even State-sponsored executions of convicted criminals, some of whom are innocent, often go awry due to faulty drug combinations or administrative errors. "And they're professionals."

For all of these reasons, Higgins warned his sad friend, notwithstanding the relentless cruelties of life, committing suicide is not something to be undertaken lightly, on a whim. "I'm not defending life in the slightest," he emphasized. "I'm on your side. It's just that you never know when the body's primal will to live will kick in, which makes the process very touch-and-go."

According to his friend, Higgins's words were not without effect. "He gave me a lot to think about. More than anything, it's just nice to know that someone cares. At this point, I'm considering suicide only as a very last resort."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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