Are You Fit for the Cross? Nashville Church Launches Christian CrossFit

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 15 December 2019

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Christian CrossFit utilizes the weight-bearing nature of cross-carrying to skyrocket physical fitness.

"Are you fit for the Cross?" is the motto of the new fitness program known as Christian CrossFit, which largely entails hauling a six-foot-tall wooden cross up a hill in high heat.

"You get a real workout, and you also get to appreciate the sacrifice our Lord and Savior made for us," said Christian CrossFit founder Lamont Williams, who also serves as pastor of Christ My Champion Church in Nashville, Tennessee. "It's a win-win both physically and spiritually."

Pastor Williams added, "Our Savior was no wimp. He was a badass."

Although some have pointed out that the Son of God fell three times on his walk with the cross to Calvary, Pastor Williams feels that Jesus's story will be especially inspiring to those newly embarking on the path to cardiovascular salvation. "The point is, He got where He needed to go. And so can my parishioners. And we encourage anyone to drop to their knees at any point if they need to take a break."

Participants in Christian CrossFit say that the holistic mind-body-spirit fitness model has proven highly effective. "I knew I loved Jesus, but now I have real empathy for what he went through," said Lucas Holden. "And the musculature definition in my thighs is unbelievable. I feel really blessed."

However, while Pastor Williams touted the spiritual benefits of Christian CrossFit, he emphasized that the program is one of action. "Faith without workouts is dead."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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